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Eurovision 2025 Grand Final
Immediately prior to the contest, Doctor Who landed on a space station hosting the interstellar song contest. That being said, tossing a hundred thousand people into space to die horribly and then kill three trillion later on is a little dark. I won't provide spoilers, suffice to say Mrs. Flood... what?!?
Anyway, look, we're not here to talk about an alien in a time-travelling police box, we're here to talk about hour upon day upon week upon month upon eternity of song contest. It's actually supposed to be 245 minutes, or a shade over four hours, but I can assure you that by the time the credits roll it'll have felt like so much longer.
Oh, and anybody who wants to complain about blotting BBC1's schedule with this nonsense, please allow me to point out that this afternoon was a football match between Crystal Palace and Manchester City for the FA Cup Final, running for about the same length of time. Both BBC1 and ITV1 were broadcasting it, live, together.
Should Israel be in the contest?
Yes, it's this hot potato. And the answer is not as clear cut as one might imagine. Certainly, one should not be seen to be promoting genocidal bastards in any manner, so Israel as a country should have been booted with the same degree of energy as was aimed at Russia. That Israel was attacked first doesn't really matter anymore as, well, we've all seen the pictures coming out of Gaza.
Now, you would have thought that if there was one country in the world that would fully understand the dangers of unchecked right wing ideologies, it would be Israel. But, alas, the right wing Israeli government has taken a "kill them all" approach to dealing with Hamas.
Now, for the screamies out there, I'm not antisemitic. I don't care what god or gods a person prays to or what dusty old book they believe in. This is nothing to do with Jews and everything to do with Israel and, more specifically, their foreign policy. And no, I am not inclined to want to support the terror-bastards that started this mess. Hamas brought the wrath of the elder gods upon themselves and if Hamas gets blown to bits, well, boo hoo. What I have a problem with is the vast numbers of women and children being blown to bits or starved or whatever because, as I said, it seems very like a "kill them all" approach.
But, wait, if I am very clearly anti-Israel here, then why do I say that it's not a clear cut thing? Well, the answer goes by the name of Kan. People who watched the 2017 Eurovision might remember the Israeli announcer looking sad as he read out his country's points. That was because the Israeli Broadcasting Authority, the public broadcaster since 1948, was suddenly shut down. It was replaced by the Israeli Public Broadcasting Corporation, better known by the name "Kan" (which means 'Here' in Hebrew). As a public broadcaster, it is not only funded by the government but it is also supposed to be reasonably balanced in its reporting rather than a mouthpiece of government propaganda. The Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has already tried to split the broadcaster in order to gain more control over the news division but for various reasons that didn't happen. Now? Well, it looks like the current government are looking to either sideline or entirely pull funding from the channel. The government has accused Kan of biased coverage and they claim they want to fund several media outlets rather than just the one and that there is no place for public broadcasting in the state of Israel.
What they really mean by that is that they would like compliant broadcasters, like Fox News is to the White House, and in the US aren't they trying the same ruse with PBS and NPR?
In this post-truth post-moral world, public broadcasting - those that are not beholden to sponsors, billionaires, and corporate owners - are essential in any democracy to inform the public, even if the government of the day doesn't happen to like people asking questions (look at the hate the Johnson government threw at the BBC, including the threat to get rid of the TV licence). They alone can dig into stories that other channels might refuse to consider because of who owns them. That's not news, that's censorship. Part of Netanyahu's corruption trial is, in fact, about his alleged attempts to meddle with media coverage. He, of course, denies it and says it's a political stitch-up. Shades of Trump, there.
To this end, as the only public (and thus free) broadcaster in Israel, the EBU wants to support Kan. Part of the EBU's mission is to promote media freedom, and this is why we should also want to support Kan. Not because it will give global exposure to a nation committing genocide, but because without Kan there will be what? Something akin to Russia's VGTRK that habitually lies to the population because the government tells them to?
Having Israel in the song contest is a bit of a hard thing to swallow. But losing anything resembling honesty and truth from the Israeli media landscape would potentially be worse. We need to look at the bigger picture and what is actually happening. So for that reason I will not be making any objection to Israel's participation in the song contest. She won't win, mind you, there are a number of songs that are clearly better. Current odds are for Sweden to win, with Israel being seventh. The UK is expected to come fifteenth, with Portugal in last place.
But, then, televoting can turn all of that upside down.
Introduction
Okay then, I have managed to hack an xml file to get gedit to colour my HTML in a manner not unlike how Zap does it, so it 'looks right' to me now. So as the ba-ba-ba ba-da-dum plays, let's settle down with a cookie dough flavour milk drink and a big piece of flan pâtissier (it's basically baked custard). And sherbet UFOs!!! This is the long slog, so I want my blood sugar level so damn high that a doctor prodding me would think his equipment was faulty. Usefully the lamer songs (in my opinion) are spread out in fairly regular intervals so if I need a pee break...
Oh, and raise a virtual glass to Vince who will be tweeting his thoughts on Bluesky, accompanied by... what is it Vince, plentiful amounts of cider? Well, that's what living in/near Somerset does to a person. ☺
There will be no alcohol here as sadly CH3CH2OH tends to make my digestive system explode in unpleasant ways.
The presenters are Cara, sorry, Hazel and Sandra. Hazel is the mad one. Keep an eye on her as this contest gives her moments to create a few memes. Being bonkers comes easy to her.
 Sugar, sugar, sugar everywhere.
The first song
Nemo, last year's winner, in a big white dress and wearing a huge white wig, performs the winning song that brought the contest to Switzerland.
Flag parade
This contest isn't long enough, let's take time to have all of the contestants come out waving their flags.
Huh? The title "Kainz" (I think, performer name) "Find Me" (title) briefly popped up on the screen. Even stranger, that isn't even a song in this contest.
The arena is a small place, only about six thousand people, so they have also erected big screens in a football stadium for thousands more people. Norton thinks maybe Céline Dion will appear there.
Oh, okay, they have dragged out a third host. This one is called Michelle. Just keep your eye on the blonde, the one named after a nut.
"Are we ready?" they ask? It is eighteen minutes into the broadcast, come on already!
1. Norway "Lighter" (Kyle Alessandro)
Oh, yes, it's the future dystopia warrior. I can't put on subtitles while recording, so... is he saying "I'll be my own lighter"? That could explain the fire theme.
I think I saw a louma whizzing out of shot there. Just as long as the technical glitches aren't as bad as happened to Switzerland's song in the semi-final.
2. Luxembourg "La poupée monte le son" (Laura Thorn)
This is an homage to Luxembourg's song from a billion years ago. Lovely staging for this earworm. Sadly Laura is unlikely to win as nobody has ever won in second place.
Perhaps it helps that I can understand French? Vince, on the other hand, got "they're pooping in the soup"! ☺☺☺ Easy with the cider there, we've only just begun!
3. Estonia "Espresso Macchiato" (Tommy Cash)
So it's the red tie and the heavies mocking every Italian stereotype imaginable. Meh.
4. Israel "New Day Will Rise" (Yuval Raphael)
English, French, and Hebrew. Everyone cries, don't cry alone. Sorry Yuval, some of us prefer to be alone. That's quite a voice. Kind of astonishing that she wasn't a singer until two years ago. Nice staging. Simple, but very effective for that ballad.
Yuval, by the way, was attending the Nova Sukkot festival when it was attacked, and she sheltered with fifty people. After a grenade was thrown into the shelter she had to hide under bodies for hours with shrapnel injuries. Only eleven made it out.
5. Lithuania "Tavo akys" (Katarsis)
The shoegaze guy seems a little more animated than last time. The lyrics at the end, however, are still just yelling the same word repeatedly.
6. Spain "Esa Diva" (Melody)
Melody had a number one at the age of ten (El baile del gorila). I get bits of this, but it was mom that spoke Spanish, I have forgotten most of it... olvidado mi español? Powerful vocals and she gave it everything. Unfortunately for her, she has competition in this...uh... competition. Seriously, did I just write that? Jeez. Mi micrófono es su micrófono?
7. Ukraine "Bird of Pray" (Ziferblat)
Oh, the pretty girls with the lights. How about we forget the guy in pink and just stick with the girls?
Now to waste some time as lesser channels go to adverts. Sandra suddenly starts to sing her song from 1991, even in the dress she wore back then.
Now the new host starts to sing, a sing from 1958. And finally, a random guest announces the United Kingdom.
8. United Kingdom "What The Hell Just Happened?" (Remember Monday)
The cuties from Farnborough do a good job with the quirky staging and the song that keeps shifting gears. I don't think it'll win, but it's a pleasing bit of inoffensive eye candy so I hope it does well enough.
9. Austria "Wasted Love" (JJ)
Those vocals are mad. I've also just noticed that not only is it in black and white, it's also in 4:3 aspect. But you probably don't notice while you're busy trying to wonder how the hell he can pull off those vocals. Did he go higher this time? It sounded like he went up to, what, an D6 or something? Holy crap.
10. Iceland "Róa" (Væb)
You know what this reminds me of? The sort of song that gets played on the TV at infant school. You know, I remember when they used to wheel in the TV so we could watch the children's programmes on BBC 2, and that vanishing-beans countdown timer before the programme started. This is more interesting to talk about than what's playing out on the broadcast screen.
11. Latvia "Bur man laimi" (Tautumeitas)
Ah, it's the ethereal girls and "never mind, he's six foot deep". It is different and, to be honest, it sounds a little like... nope, sorry. It's a group that sings in made-up lyrics what were used in various adverts around 2004ish. This group used to be played on Classic FM TV way back when. I miss that channel. The name "Anùna" comes to mind, but it's not them (they're Irish) but I'm guessing it's a similar sounding word.
I like this one.
12. Netherlands "C'est la vie" (Claude)
A dramatic love song with good staging, I'm just not sure about the percussion. It's that tick-tick-tick style that seems to be the thing these days.
13. Finland "Ich komme" (Erika Vikman)
Oh, yes, the Battle Beast wannabe. Remember when I said Spain threw everything into the performance? Well, this is that taken up to eleven, including making out (in a rather abusive relationship) with the mic stand. I mean.......
Oh my god, there's fire coming out of the base - did it do that in the semi final? That's going to go down in Eurovision history.
Now they're trying to flog the DVD, which is really weird given that you can get the programme in HD on YouTube. Did you notice that people talk about DVDs more than they talk about Bluray? You can blame corporate bull for that - a DVD just holds a video stream. It doesn't need to be authorised or verified or anything like that. Of course, if you know where to look you'll see plenty of "BDRip"s showing that all the crap made things more difficult for normal users while doing diddly-squat for piracy.
14. Italy "Volevo Essere Un Duro" (Lucio Corsi)
Thank you again for the subtitles, for this 60s/70s soft rock song. Vince said "Imagine Supertramp with makeup inspired by David Bowie". I said imagine a young Mick Jagger was born in Italy. Either way, I think you might get the idea. A surprisingly calming song.
15. Poland "Gaja" (Justyna Steczkowska)
I think I'll just repeat what I said for the semi as it says it all:
This is oddly slow while trying to be dramatic. Let's say it's like somebody did an ambient version of Wild Dances and threw in every Eurovision trope that would fit. Dramatic violin shredding? Floating in the air suspended from straps? Screaming? Running on the spot? More yelling? Even more yelling? Yes to all of that. Phew, what a workout.
Oh, that was nicely done. A dragon flew towards on the backdrop, and it ducked down at the last moment and we saw it carry on in the screens built into the floor.
16. Germany "Baller" (Abor & Tynna)
The float-cam was obviously in shot as this song was about to begin. You can tell it isn't SVT this year. ☺ This song is a noisy club number with a lot of strobes. I just find the "ba-la-la-la-la" to be, I dunno, annoying? Still, it's not bad.
Hazel backstage. Oh dear. She is showing how the stage is cleared in 35 seconds and a new one set up in the following 35 seconds. It's pretty astonishing, actually.
17. Greece "Asteromata" (Klavdia)
It's the dramatic song about the refugees. Hang on, I'm going to look this up. Yes - it's about the bond of refugees and their homeland. You know, I don't understand a word of Greek [*] but this song's staging is so good that this message came across pretty clearly. Well done.
* - I lie, I know "kalispera" (good evening).
18. Armenia "Survivor" (PARG)
Okay, he's too sexy for his shirt, right? It's fairly good use of a giant treadmill, mind you, and this guy is really burning the calories.
19. Switzerland "Voyage" (Zoë Më)
Let's hope they don't screw up the camerawork this time. It's supposed to be a gentle song recorded as a oner. Yes, it worked and that was lovely. Bien sûr, j'aller en voyage avec toi.
20. Malta "Serving" (Miriana Conte)
Spread your legs girl, the right-wing faux-middle-class were "aghast" at the "raunchy" performance. Let's see if you can burst a vein or two with a repeat. ☺
They're apparently muting the audience audio because while the performer can no longer say "serving kant" thanks to the BBC, the audience fill in the missing word. Funny that "kant" was censored but they are okay with bright red inflatable lips positioned between two open legs.
21. Portugal "Deslocado" (Napa)
Now for a complete change of pace for the song the bookies place last.
That being said, that's something that I like about most of Portugal's entries. They aren't massive rock numbers or power ballads by famous people. Many of Portugal's entries sound like live groups that you might hear at a country fair or better class bar or whatever. Like the sorts of real music that people actually perform rather than studio recordings.
That said, unless it hits a note like Salvador, between Malta and Denmark it's going to vanish into a swirling cloud of somethings and nothings.
22. Denmark "Hallucination" (Sissal)
Ah, yes, the EDM techno-synth song where a woman who didn't have time to put her skirt on somehow needs help to find her way out of strips of billowing fabric.
They did a quick recap of "Made in Switzerland", a brilliant bit of self-mockery that turned up in the first semi-final.
23. Sweden "Bara bada bastu" (KAJ)
This used to be the favourite to win, but apparently it's too close to call now. This is clearly a gag entry, but the thing with Sweden is that they understand Eurovision so well that even their gags are bangers. Remember Love, love, peace, peace?
Now they wander over to the stadium and... then Waterloo? That camera whizzing over the audience is impressive. And with 36,000 people singing Eurovision they broke a record and, well, it got faded out. Oops.
24. France "Maman" (Louane)
A lovely song with effective staging using ground-up corks to represent the sand of time. You think it's just a trickle of cork-sand right? Just wait, it goes everywhere. Now this is my favourite of the night.
25. San Marino "Tutta l'Italia" (Gabry Ponte)
Eiffel 65 performing with a masked singer. It's a eurodance group so... time for a pee.
26. Albania "Zjerm" (Shkodra Elektronike)
This is about the only dose of massively red that blighted the first semi-final and it's how we end the contest, an Albanian doing the serious dramatic sort of thing you might expect from somewhere like Serbia.
Okay, time for me to stop the recording and restart it again. We have already burned through 2 hours and 25 minutes, and we still have roughly $FOREVER to go.
My picks
These are in order of preference:
- France - it's not because I live here, I really like this
- Luxembourg - the na na na na-na-na doll
- Switzerland - voyage voyage
- Finland - screwing the stand
- United Kingdom - harmonising FTW
- Greece - refugees
- Sweden - it was annoyingly good
- Israel - belting off the staircase
- Austria - shipwrecked in love
- Latvia - ethereal girls
Honourable mentions to Poland (dragon and straps) and Italy.
Interval act 1
Four generations of Swiss Eurovision music, starting in 1981. Another camera is seen scooting out of sight for a song from 1980 about cinema and since it's French, sea-nay-mah. That was forty five years ago - as was "Call Me" (Blondie), "Still Rock And Roll To Me" (Billy Joel) and Cars (Gary Numan). Oh my god, I'm a dinosaur.
Now a drastic change of pace for a song from 2019, and Gjon's Tears in 2021.
Yet another recap, just in case you forgot.
Vince selected:
- Luxembourg - pooping in the soup.
- UK - What Happened to Monday, obs.
- Latvia - the Ring-bitch Elfs
- Germany - Balallalllallallallaler
- Switzerland - was nice to listen to.
- Sweden's Madness wannabes? - Yeah, why not.
I wasn't taken with Germany, but I notice we both placed Luxembourg highly. Allez ma poupée, come out of nowhere and win it!
Interval act 2
I think they're supposed to be bad-arse, but how can you possibly be taken seriously dressed like that? Whatever, it looks like a bit of a half-arse rap battle.
Really, Switzerland, this nonsense is the best you could come up with?
Okay, now the third host is failing to play an alpenhorn. I'm not saying I could, but shouldn't she have rehearsed it maybe?
Interval act 3
Nemo singing a new song, "Unexplainable". I'm not sure being dressed like Frankenfurter is entirely helping his song.
Jeez, I know it's supposed to be a heartfelt performance, but I swear it would not be out of place in Rocky Horror...
A recap, the last one, in reverse order just to mix things up. As Norton does the shout-outs, time to go pee and grab that fake-strawberry-yogurt stuff from Lidl. It's a kilogram, so that ought to do me.
The voting ceases.
The national jury votes
There are 37 countries.
Sweden gives 12 to Austria.
Azerbaijan give 12 to Israel.
Malta give 12 to Armenia.
The Netherlands give 12 to Austria.
Slovenia give 12 to Italy.
Armenia give 12 to France.
Luxembourg give 6 to the UK and 12 to France.
San Marino give 2 to the UK and 12 to Italy (there's a surprise).
Ukraine give 10 to the UK and 12 to Germany.
Norway give 7 to the UK and 12 to Austria.
I can see why Austria is doing well here, it's a technically challenging song.
Austria give another 7 to the UK and 12 to Finland.
France with the Eiffel tower because... and douze pwah à l'Albanie.
Italy is an animated mouse with 12 points to the United Kingdom!
Portugal offer 2 to the UK and 12 to Italy.
Denmark have 4 for the UK and 12 to Latvia.
Croatia give their 12 to Italy.
Latvia have 12 for Austria.
Ireland give 2 to the UK and 12 to Austria.
Poland have a point for the UK and their 12 goes to Switzerland.
Montenegro give 12 to Greece.
There are a few stand out countries that get 12s like Italy and Austria - but the juries are all over the place. Switzerland got only one 12 but they've been climbing up thanks to the smaller numbers so she's currently second. The UK also isn't doing badly. Iceland have zero.
Greece (and baby) have 12 for France.
Serbia have another 12 to France.
Czechia with 10 to the UK and 12 to Germany.
United Kingdom - it's Sophie Ellis-Bextor. 12 to Latvia.
Spain give 6 to the UK and 12 to Switzerland.
Finland wearing an interesting dress give 5 to the UK and 12 to Austria.
Australia give 12 to Greece, and that girl is way perkier than I am in the morning.
Germany give their 12 to Austria.
Belgium have 12 points for Austria.
Israel and the girl from last year with their 12 points for Greece.
Albania give their 12 to France.
Lithuania offer their 12 to Latvia.
Iceland have 5 for the UK and 12 for Sweden.
Georgia give 12 to Italy.
Cyprus offer their 12 to Greece which really isn't a surprise.
Estonia give 5 to the UK and 12 points go to Switzerland.
The final country, Switzerland, give 4 to the UK and the final 12 go to Italy.
After the jury vote, Austria, Switzerland, and France are in the lead and Iceland has nothing. The UK is tenth.
If it was the jury like in the old days, Austria won.
The televote
Now for the massive mix-up, the public vote. It can be brutal.
Iceland got 33 points. They got something, at least.
San Marino get 18.
Poland gets 139.
Norway get 67.
Luxembourg got 24 points - damn, that should have done better.
Spain got 10 points - oooh, that stings.
Lithuania get 62 points.
Portugal get 13 points.
Armenia got a mere 30 points.
Denmark have 2... ouch... her expression, poor girl.
Albania get 173 points.
Israel 297 points, that's not going to be a winner I don't think, but it's big.
Ukraine get 158 points.
Germany get 74 points.
Malta get 8 points. Even Norton is shocked.
Finland get 108 points. She's probably glad she didn't get Denmark's slap.
The UK got zero points.
Estonia get 258 points for mocking Italy? I dunno...
Greece get 126 points.
Latvia get a mere 42 points.
Sweden, will this be the winner? They get 195 points. They're NOT the winner.
The Netherlands got 42 points.
Italy get 97 points.
France now, with a mere 50 points.
Switzerland and Austria remain.
The next country is Switzerland who gets ZERO points. What the actual .....?
This leaves Austria. Austria need 100 points. They get 178 points.
Austria wins!
I think the EBU is breathing a massive sigh of relief that the next Eurovision isn't in Tel Aviv. San Marino came last, the UK came 19th. Israel came second.
I feel really bad for the UK. They didn't deserve that. The juries saw something in the song. It's a shame that the viewers did not.
The contest was scheduled to finish at five past midnight. It's now nine past midnight so it didn't overrun by much, but that is actually after one o'clock in the morning my time. Thank god I'm not getting up at six tomorrow, er, today...
Whatever, I'm just going to drop this on my site and if the markup is all wrong, I'll fix it at some random point in the future.
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| Rob, 18th May 2025, 20:10 |
(validation code, 24242.. Nice, didn't matter if I did it backwards or not!)
FWIW my picks were:
Luxembourg
Uk
Iceland
Sweden
Finland
San Marino
Latvia
Italy
So a lot of the same picks.
Since good points about the EBU needing to support Kan,but I'm glad Isreal didn't win, though it was looking close there. I definitely heard some boos as they came on, and the Beeb reports there was an attempted stage invasion along with thrown paint, though we saw none of that. I imagine fingers were poised over the button to switch to the rehersal tape. |
| A tree-dwelling mammal, 20th May 2025, 01:20 |
I didn't bother watching this year. Just can't get into any modern music. The last properly decent song we entered into Eurovision was Katrina & The Waves (and that very nearly ended up being "Yodel In The Canyon Of Love" instead!).
As I may have mentioned before, my go-to genres of music are 80s pop (synth-pop in particular) and 90s country. In ascending order of preference. I don't need to sit through Eurovision anyway, I can just look on here when it's all over to find out who won. Rick's online commentary is almost as entertaining as Terry Wogan's used to be on the BBC. (Which was pretty much the only reason for watching it. Graham Norton doesn't have quite the same delivery.)
Is it even Graham Norton doing the commentary now? Anyway, all over for another year. Back to the archives of CMT Europe (1993-1998, RIP). |
| Rick, 20th May 2025, 07:15 |
It took a while for the squishy grey matter to do its thing, but the music project I was thinking of with the Latvian song: Adiemus. |
| A tree-dwelling mammal, 22nd May 2025, 12:46 |
"a DVD just holds a video stream. It doesn't need to be authorised or verified or anything like that."
Most Blu-Rays don't either. There's a few titles that have BD+ which uses a 'secure key exchange' in a Java VM. But most just use AACS encryption, which has already been cracked. BD+ has also been cracked by way of implementing a JVM in the ripping software. I've yet to find anything that MakeMKV can't rip.
What is evil however is Cinavia. Basically a watermark on the audio, which, when the player detects it, causes it to check for the presence of a physical disc in the player with the correct AACS key. If it's not present then the player mutes the audio and displays a message. This is supposed to only be triggered when playing a BD-R disc, but also gets tripped if you're playing a BD rip from a USB stick or over then network from a DLNA server. Seriously annoying, and actually illegal in the UK. Although the simple solution (if you're playing from a media server) is to play the file on your smart TV or Kodi box instead of your Blu-Ray player, as the Cinavia detection is only implemented in a standalone BD player.
Remember DVDs have copy protection as well? CSS, which used the 'ultra-secure' 56-bit encryption that can be brute-forced on a modern PC in less than a second! |
| A tree-dwelling mammal, 22nd May 2025, 12:49 |
I meant to add... Cinavia isn't a huge problem as it's only included on a handful of discs. I think I've got about 5 or 6 BD movies that are Cinavia-infected (Trainspotting 2, Sausage Party for example). The vast majority don't have it, and I've not seen any new releases in over 5 years that have it. |
| C Ferris, 22nd May 2025, 16:04 |
What is the best way of reading that old DVD that stops part way through? |
| A tree-dwelling mammal, 22nd May 2025, 17:04 |
C Ferris - not sure about DVDs, but I've had considerable success with ripping scratched audio CDs by using T-Cut polish on them. It takes out enough of the surface scratches to allow the error correction on EAC to work and get a 'clean' rip. Might be worth a try.
On the other hand if it's an old movie that was commercially released then just replace it with a blu-ray. |
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