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Semi 2
======

2013/05/16



Back to Sweden with strange dancing being the order of the day, the sultry flamenco dancer getting the most cheers.

Now BMXing and roller skating with the dancers making virtual ink splots. Somebody had the idea to project onto the stage, and they're really rolling with it.

Turning the stage into a computer to play a sample of the famous music that kicks off Eurovision. That, actually, was pretty cool.


Petra again as our host - and what a dress. It's like she isn't sure if she should dress for warm or cold. Looking out the window, can't say I blame her!


Seventeen songs tonight. Ready? Cup of tea handy, let's do it.


01 Latvia "Here We Go"
This is their fifth entry to the contest. Yeah, I think I can see why. It is energetic and bright, but a winner? Actually, this reminds me of an up-tempo PM Dawn.
Weird slow-mo part in the middle, hammy as hell. Great audience participation, even a stage dive. You know what? I hope this one qualifies just to shake things up on the night.


02 San Marino "Chrisalide"
Atmospheric start with a girl making love to a glowing ball. Nice staging, nice use of colour and stylish. Then halfway through, an on-the-fly clothing change and the song completely changes pace with the wind blower, striking strings, and musical climax.


03 FYR Mac
Oh. My. God.
A billion years of gypsy heritage, or whatever her story is, can't cover the fact that her singing hurts. I feel sorry for the bloke duetting with the scary-red-entity.
Give Macedonia credit for entering something different.


04 Azerbaijan "Hold Me"
A man singing a heart-tug love song while standing on a perspex box containing a man who mirrors the singer's motions and emotions. Then a woman in red (not the FYR Mac one, thankfully) arrives for the "Hold Me" climax.
This ought to pass. Nice staging.


05 Finland "Marry Me"
A girl in a somewhat slutty wedding dress saying "marry me" (I'm your slave and you're my master"), along with backing singers dressed as maids and then bridesmaids. It's a funny song with lyrics that ought to be hated; and then two girls kissing - is she asking a MAN to marry her?! Or...


A cut-out from BBC THREE talking to the Lithuanian singer, with Ana Matronic going on and on about the poor bloke's eyebrows.


06 Malta
Announced as a simple song about "Jeremy from IT". Amusing lyrics with animated lyrics behind. It's a quiet sing with funny lyrics and a charismatic singer. I like this one.


07 Bulgaria
A woman sort-of rapping with drums and a thing like a primitive bagpipe, native dress, and wailing. It's quite the performance, but there's not so much song in this song. Somebody please dump a load of Ritalin into whatever it is these guys are drinking.


08 Iceland
Singing in Icelandic (and, no, not sounding like Sigur Rós as they sing in a made-up language). It's a nice song, gentle. And asides from the long hair and fashion stubble, this guy is well dressed. Looking at him, I was expecting something in the vein of Nickelback, but instead got a song that sounds nice with a performer that can carry a tune and hold a note. I hope this does well.


09 Greece "Alcohol is free"
Ska meets traditional music, for a song called "Alcohol is free". Guys in black and white kilts (looks like a girl's football outfit if you ask me) singing "alcohol is free". The EBU passed this?! A lot of pratting about while a Godfather with the smallest guitar imaginable holds the song together. I don't see this winning.


10 Israel
A single female singer giving it her all in typically Israeli style. Let me introduce you to a Japanese word - go look up "meganekko". Better to look at that than her dress, it makes her backside look HUGE. Quite a moving song.


11 Armenia "Lonely Planet"
Leaning towards rock, this religion-infused song falters because the vocal performance doesn't have the power to carry a rock song. He goes quickly to his shouty stage and it's only the chorus, so there's nowhere to go beyond that. Nice guitar solo.


12 Hungary
A quiet song, I guess its a love song judging by the background animations. A guy who reminds me of Jarvis Cocker, female backing singer, and a guy on acoustic guitar. This is surprisingly good.


13 Norway
Noisy and sultry, lady in white with a distracting backdrop belts out song about "I feed you my love".


Into the Green Room which is anything but green. And, oh look, they dusted off Lys Assia, again. Need I mention who she is?


14 Albania
Drums and fire and steam, this is a song that does rock. While they're all male, it does the gravel and soprano routine pretty good. Then there's a guitar solo with sparkles erupting from the end. This rock number took it up to twelve, but will it get them a twelve?
Hey, Armenia, I hope you're taking notes.


15 Georgia "Waterfall"
Man and woman facing away and singing opposing parts. We know they'll turn to face each other, get closer... yeah. That staging cliche is tired guys. Screaming the long notes, fire from the ceiling, wind machine... so this is what sex feels like? Great, now please go get a room while we all take a paracetamol.


16 Switzerland "You And Me"
Amusingly quirky pop song, with a blonde girl who is quite lively indeed. And the oldest entrant (he is *ninety* *five*!) ever on bassoon (contrabass? check this). Just a shame that the old guy looks somewhat confused.


17 Romania "It's My Life"
The hell is he wearing? I was just about to make a Shiki reference when he switched to operatic falsetto. No, come on, a man with stubble should *not* be making noises like that! Give them credit where it is due, though, pretty impressive staging.
As for the song - vampire sex gives birth to a naked feral girl?


Well, that's it. Petra announcing, but very obvious she is reading off of cue cards (what, no teleprompter?).


Okay. Time to recap and for me to list my picks.
Oh, and she said you cannot vote more than twenty times. Whoa.


12 Malta
10 Iceland
 9 San Marino
 8 Albania
 7 Finland
 6 Azerbaijan
 5 Israel
 4 Latvia
 3 Norway
 2 Greece
 1 Switzerland (and only 'cos the blonde is perky)


Romania. Hard to call Eurovision - either it will die a horrible death or be a runaway success. I have a sneaking suspicion that it will be in the final so all the people that watch on Saturday because there is nothing to watch on the forty thousand _other_ channels will be just as surprised as I was at the noises he can make.

A BBC THREE cut-out to talk to the Irish performer and then look at the Swedish music scene and showing that Swedes are not only known as performers (Robyn etc) but have written and produced songs for all sorts of well-known bands and performers. Some of the iconic songs of the past decades.


Now some people yacking about the songs. The Ozzy girl and some bloke called Dr Eurovision. Discussing Romania and the guitar gimmick.


Yack yack yack, and they counted down the end of televoting in the background.
Jeez, can't we watch the broadcast?

Now talking to the Greek entrants, the Romanian opera guy, the girl from Finland who has been going all around Malmo dressed in a wedding dress. Then talking to Bonnie's hectic week. Interviews, rehearsals, reviews, more rehearsals. Looks real busy.


Finally back to the show as the interval performance ends. Mmmm...


Preview of the auto-qualifiers.

France - typically French, but not a winner.
Spain - don't think so but maybe depending on the performance, she looks cute.
Germany - Cascada with a song that sounds like last year's winner.
Italy - not bad, but not Niccolo Fabi.
UK - Bonnie, though she'd do better with a song like Holding Out For A Hero. We won't win with this.
Sweden - sounds like a generic boy band.


Finally, we check in with the not-Svante (Jon Ola Sand) to say it's all good, so off we go to the votes.


Here are the ones that qualified (random order):

Hungary - Jarvis Cocker
Azerbaijan - guy in a plastic box
Georgia - guy and girl getting it on
Romania - opera guy, enjoy this on Saturday guys!
Norway - girl in white (that DOESN'T narrow it down!)
Iceland - nice
Armenia - okay, the bad rock'n'roll (with booing in the audience!)

So many choices, only three to go now, and they are:
Finland - wedding girl, how could this not go through?
Malta - YES, it's a funny/cute/gentle song.
Greece - the kilt guys


Going home depressed:
Albania - beaten by Armenia? Oh, the shame.
Switzerland - the old guy doesn't get to perform in the final
San Marino - never qualified, ever.



Right-o. Next stop, the big contest. Saturday night!