Lyrics

I, Richard Murray, have a habit of writing filks. Take a perfectly reasonable song (well, some of them are debatable) and devise new words. Sometimes geeky, sometimes strange, sometimes incomprehensible (you know, like "Spoonful").

There are eight songs currently available. More will be added as they are written.
Last update, 31st October 2000 <oooohhhhh!!!>

Coding by Richard Murray (December 1998) (loosely (!) based on "So Young" by the Corrs)

We were taking it easy, programming in C, yeah! We are hackin' it up, optimising anywhere! We are coding for pay or because we feel like it. We are spending all of our nights drinking caffiene, oh yeah! And it really doesn't matter that we don't eat! And it really doesn't matter that we never sleep! No, it really doesn't matter, really doesn't matter at all... 'cos we are coding now, we are coding, coding now! And when tomorrow comes, we can do it all again.

No More Compilers by Richard Murray (June 1998) (to the tune of "No More 'I love you's" by Annie Lennox)

(doobi-doobi-doop-doop-doop, ah-ah doobi-doobi-doop-doop-doop, ah-ah doobi-doobi-doop-doop-doop, ah-ah) I once was a programmer in those golden days. I used to ignore deadlines, and so restless nights. My aching brain would bleed when I write my C. Woah, but now... (I do find myself bouncing 'round advocating the glories of BASIC V!) No more compilers. The language is leaving me. No more compilers. It's time to use interpreted code. I used to have daemons in my dreams at night. Pointers, typedefs, pointers, so many monsters! Woah, but now... (I do find myself bouncing 'round advocating the glories of BASIC V!) No more compilers. 'language is leaving me. No more compilers. The language is leaving me, thank goodness. No more compilers. It's time to use interpreted code! No more compilers! The language is leaving me. No more compilers. The language is leaving me, thank goodness. No more compilers. It's time to use interpreted code! Interpreted code. No more compilers! The language is leaving me, leaving, leaving, leaving me! No more compilers! The language is leaving me! No more compilers! It's time to use interpreted code. BASIC five code.

Imagination by Richard Murray (December 1998) (to the tune of "Viva forever" by The Spice Girls

Do you still remember how we used to be? Coding together, hacking forever, oh the beauties of C. Both of us were dreamers, think we'd be Bill Gates, making the money, and being famous but... we'd only just begun... Imagination, always be mine. Coding forever, never stopping, keep on going, pain and ache. Live forever, got to do it, always hoping, for our break! Yes I still remember, the initial spec. Fiddle it here and cut a few corners there, just to save a few dollars. The bosses just talk rubbish, don't ever trust them. Promises made, every memory saved, in that harddisc in my mind. Imagination, always be mine. Coding forever, never stopping, keep on going, pain and ache. Live forever, got to do it, always hoping, for our break! So we're growing old now, still we are unknowns. I shall soon die, just a keyboard monkey. It is such a tragedy. Imagination, always be mine. Coding forever, never stopping, keep on going, pain and ache. Live forever, got to do it, always hoping, for our break! Coding forever Never stopping Keep on going Pain and ache Live forever Got to do it Always hoping For our break

Big Big Byte by Richard Murray (December 1998) (to the tune of "Big Big World" by Emilia)

I'm a big big bit in a big big byte It's not a big big thing if you load me But I do do feel that it do do will hurt me much Hurt me much I can see the first load coming Shift me into page zero Why have you put me here? Don't ask me to be a hero I'm a big big bit in a big big byte It's not a big big thing if you OR me But I do do feel that it do do will hurt me much Hurt me much Now I'm at eight thousand The program code entry point Soon I will be branched to Just self modifying code I'm a big big bit in a big big byte It's not a big big thing if you EOR me But I do do feel that it do do will hurt me much Hurt me much I have the processor now Feel the power But when I next look around PC's gone I'm a big big bit in a big big byte It's not a big big thing if you store me But I do do feel that it do do will hurt me much Hurt me much Yes, I'm a big big bit in a big big byte It's not a big big thing if you STR me But I do feel that it will hurt me much Hurt me much This one is rather specific to the RISC OS architecture (program addresses 'plexed at &8000 et cetera); for which I make no apologies!

I can do that by Richard Murray (3rd April 1999) Written one day on uk.misc.tv.buffy-v-slayer, it is a rewording of the end of "I'd do anything for love (But I won't do that)" by Jim Steinman (performed by Meat Loaf) This, rather specifically, was written in response to the Season One finalé of Buffy.

Will you raise me up? Will you help me down? Will you bring me back to life if I should drown? Will you help me kill the Master? (oooh - oooh - I can do that) Will you arm by crossbow? Will you sharpen my stakes? Will you comfort me for all the lives the vampires take? Can you show me a better world? (I can do that - nah-yah-I can do tha-a-aa-aa...) Will you stand beside me? Will you fight the demon? Will you look in your books and tell me what it means? (hah!) Will you give me a little help? (oh-oh give you a little help oh-oh) Sooner or later you'll come to realise There is a story, a little prophecy I shall die, oh, that will be the end of me D'you think it'll hurt? (no-no)

Onward American Soldiers by Richard Murray (29th July 1999) (to the tune of "Onward Christian Soldiers")

Onward American Soldiers Marching off to war We will kick your asses As we did before With our guns and hand-grenades And our Apaches We will ruin your country and claim a victory! (dum, dum, da-dum-da-da-dah!) Onward American Soldiers..... (I can't remember how the rest of the original song goes... which is probably just as well!)

Oh mummy I did promise by Richard Murray (29th July 1999) (to the tune of "Oh Jesus I have Promised")

Oh mummy I did promise To be back at eight o'clock But I got kinda hungry And stopped at the fish shop And then a bright light hit me I know I was in trouble when I saw myself rising up out of the atmosphere Oh mummy I am sorry I got an anal probe These weird dudes sat me down And told me to disrobe Then they came at me with these hideous metal things And that was the moment that it became so very clear Oh mummy I am sorry I got a sex change It was either that or get my mind rearranged Well you always told me that girls had more fun So shut up with your moaning, I'd have thought you'd understand (and who, after reading this, will be able to sing that at church and keep a straight face?) PS: If you find hymn filking to be offensive, be aware that I'm not a religious person, so anything is open game to be filked. Heck, I'd do the Lord's Prayer, if it had a decent tune...

Baby one more time by Richard Murray (20th August 1999, 01:45h!) (to the tune of "Baby one more time" by Britney Spears)   Sorry Britney, but it was begging to be done!   Note - if this doesn't appear to scan quite correctly, you are not saying it right. Try shortening/holding syllables and/or shifting the emphasised syllable.

(oh baby baby oh baby baby) Oh baby baby, how was I supposed to know you didn't like S and M? Oh baby baby, I shouldn't have agreed to wearing those handcuffs Show me how you want to beat me Tell me baby, how much pain it will cause me tonight Chains, leather, come bondage me (and I) I want to be whipped, until I scream ('til I scream!) Oh when you squeeze me I lose my mind Give me a sign, hit me baby one more time Oh baby baby, our sex has become boring (mmm) Hey, you have got me crying Routine, mundane, you beat me and I beat you Is that the best we can do? Show me how we can improve this Tell me baby, 'cos my heart is straying now because Chains, leather, come bondage me (and I) I must be whipped, until I scream (whip me now!) Kill me then bring me back to life Give me a sign, hit me baby one more time (oh baby baby oh baby baby) Oh baby baby, you expected me to grow But baby baby, I'm gonna let you have it I must confess you're a useless jerk You're killing me now, don't you know I hate your guts? Oh, you are useless! I asked for a sign, to hit me baby one more time But you could not even do that I decided to poison your tea (poison your tea) You will be stone dead in one hour So come on baby, come and hit me one last time I'm standing here, you're standing there You're clutching your neck I know I still have faith, one of these days You might do it right Hit me baby one last time

We're going to eat pizza by Richard Murray (25th September 1999, 00:10h) (to the tune of "We're going to Ibiza!" by The Vengaboys)

Don't wanna eat no green stuff, no salad I wanna eat something decent now, Italian What d'you say, we get a take-away? A pizzierie, just the thing! I look at the menu, ignore the price Just can't decide what, what do you think I should drink? What d'you say, we get café latté? With sugar, and make it strong! Woah! We're going to eat pizza! Woah! Pepperoni too! Woah! Three diff'rent kinds of cheeses! Woah! And pineapple pieces too! Ee-oh! Ee-oh! Garlic bread! Garlic bread! Ee-oh! Ee-oh! Garlic bread! Garlic bread! Ee-oh! Ee-oh! Garlic bread! Garlic bread! Ee-oh! Ee-oh! Garlic bread! Garlic bread! I sink my teeth in to this pizza, oh the taste. It's really very nice to eat, mozzarella. What d'you say, we come here ev'ry day? That sounds like a great idea-aaa! Woah! We're going to eat pizza! Woah! Pepperoni too! Woah! Three diff'rent kinds of cheeses! Woah! And pineapple pieces too! Woah! We're going to eat pizza! Woah! Pepperoni too! Woah! Three diff'rent kinds of cheeses! Woah! And pineapple pieces too! Woah! We're going to eat pizza!

I don't like illness by Richard Murray (Hallow'eve 2000) (to the tune of "I Don't Like Mondays" by The Boomtown Rats)

The silicon chip inside her head gets switched to override And nobody's gonna go out today, afraid they are gonna die The doctor doesn't understand it He always said it was just a cold And he can see no reasons But there are good reasons If he just listened when he was told, woah-oh-oh-oh Tell me why I don't like illness Tell me why I don't like illness Tell me why I don't like illness I wanna di-i-i-i-i-i-sinfect this place! The telex machine is kept so clean as it types to a waiting world First one big city and then another, they watch as this tragedy unfurls People turning a lurid green Now I ain't gonna go and catch this cold 'cos there are good reasons Plenty of good reasons If you just listen to what you're told, woah-oh-oh-oh Tell me why I don't like illness Tell me why I don't like illness Tell me why I don't like illness I wanna di-i-i-i-i-i-sinfect this place! This place, spray this place! Now the people stop in the underground They can see the symptoms all around Run in blind panic, you don't wanna catch it But the end result is you're gonna die Oh the fires crackle and the chemist tackles With the problems of the hows and why And he can see no quick cure There is no antidote He's afraid we're all going to die, die, oh-oh-oh This virus was made in a labrat'ry to kill the enemy Oh, it has backfired and is killing us all I guess we get what we deserve Oh, the doctors just don't understand it Yeah, they all thought it was just a cold And they could see no reasons But there were good reasons If they just listened when they were told, woah-oh-oh-oh Tell me why I don't like illness Tell me why I don't like illness Tell me why I don't like, I don't like Tell me why I don't like illness Tell me why I don't like, I don't like Tell me why I don't like illness Tell me why I don't like illness I wanna di-i-i-i-i-i-sinfect this place! (ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-oooooh)

I would be interested in any feedback you care to send me.

Comments

• That Brit song doesn't go quite right. But the others rock.
   
  
• Eat pizza is the bomb!
  [which is good in the US, bad in the UK; go figure --Rick.]
   
  
• You are one f***ed up dude.
  [Thanks! --Rick.]