Rick's b.log - entry 2019/07/26

Best day of the year?

Boris

I don't know. Every time I think the whole chaotic mess has hit a new low, it goes and outdoes itself.

So now Boris is PM with a right-wing cabinet.
Only the dipshits that believe what's written in the Daily Express would find reason to celebrate. Any sensible person... barkeep, another round please.

Cats?

Now, I do not have a problem with making videos of theatrical productions. I'm not really that familiar with the story of Cats, suffice to say that the video version of it didn't seem that unlike watching it as a live show, only squished down to the sort of quality that you'd expect from videotape.
This movie is not a video of a performance, it is something created explicitly as a movie. There is dancing and singing, but that's to be expected given that it's a musical.

So, I downloaded the trailer and watched.

...

Okay, I'll be honest with you. I've not been as shocked-to-silence since that time I watched Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" and was like the hell did I just watch?!? That is... pretty much... my reaction to this.
It was...
How can I say this?
Bloody awful manic nightmare fuel.
With "Academy Award Winner" written all over it.

From what I've seen in the short preview, the cinematography looks pretty decent. The framing is effective, the neo-noir-in-the-rain and capturing all the reflections, a bit of chiaruscuro for good measure, and that bit with throwing the flowers in the air towards the camera is just lovely, the way it is set up and staged.

The problem isn't and of that. The problem... Honestly, what the hell is this?

It's a semi-real semi-CGI "cat" shaped like a human and lacking that which most cats possess. We call them little furballs for a reason.

This trailer is so ripe for savaging (as I understand most of The Internet has already done) that it would be boring if I didn't go through the rest of this unbelievably ridiculous trailer and point out some issues.
Like this shot. I actually like the subtle change in her ears (they flatten down), it's just a shame they didn't fix the obviously non-cat eyes.

Wait - hang on - that's Dame Judi Dench. Wearing a fur coat? What kind of cat wears a fur coat?

Dude on the right, wasn't he in A Clockwork Orange?

Um, where exactly is the base of that tail connected to the body?

Idris Elba, Judi Dench, Ian McKellen, Taylor Swift, Rebel Wilson... It's that old Hollywood nonsense of taking a bunch of well known names and stuffing them into a movie instead of, say, making a movie that was good enough to stand on its own without the Big Name Billing.
If you ever wanted to know what Taylor Swift looks like as a cat, it's this. And no, I wouldn't have recognised her either.

Now I know from experience that cats have six nipples. So this one with jiggly boobs, there's just something really wrong with this.

This cat person thing has nice moves. She's the "and introducing" part, and is a professional ballerina or something. Which, I guess, for a musical, might be better than a Big Name?

Oh.
My.
God.

And speaking of concepts, do humans exist in Cats? Because it seems as if these cats exist in a world where everything is human sized, while they're... not.

Gratuitous neo-techno-noir shot. Just because I like it.

Apparently being released on December 20th (unless they pull it to redo the CGI into something less likely to make an entire generation fear ballet), the trailer came out mid-July and I would imagine by the time December rolls around, there will be enough of a buzz to ensure it does well. Most likely a mixture of die-hard Cats fans (they'll be the ones in tears) and curious people wondering if it is really as bad as the trailer suggests (they'll be the ones laughing).

I cannot legitimately say that this is bizarre for the original stage production was bizarre. What this is is demented. I can sort of imagine this being the result of an acid trip where I try really hard to imagine what my cat gets up to at night. Actually, the thought of her pulling that sort of ballet routine... it's just a shame that her wailing/singing part is so out of tune. When she's in heat it's quite a ruckus.

Will I watch this? I don't know. I've experienced worse (many Troma Team movies) and a weird-as-hell musical isn't necessarily a bad thing (Rocky Horror, Repo! Genetic Opera). I think it might breathe some new life into the cats concept, but what seems to me to be the best bit is that they appear to be taking it utterly seriously. This isn't a nudge-nudge-wink-wink as they point out the plot holes and tropes, or throw in some gags for those in the know. This appears to be a completely straight movie version of Cats.
And that, alone, is hysterical.

I predict it'll be pretty good on its opening weekend - hordes of people asking the same beginning to the question, even if the endings differ: did they really.......

Yes.
They really.

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David Pilling, 31st July 2019, 13:47

Cats is OK - total nonsense, making something out of nothing - but pleasant enough. Evil copyright has prevented TC, Officer Dibble, Benny etc appearing in it. Fan fiction the musical.

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