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Don't kick it

I get it. I really do. Your life was football. So pretty much all you know how to do is kick things.
Well... society... it's fragile. Don't kick it.

As you probably aren't following me, I shall explain. Eric Cantona, remember him?, has called for a "peaceful" form of protest. Basically on a certain day, we should all go to the banks and take out our money. All of it.

There's a video of his disjointed thought process that's gone viral. Google for "cantona bank", you can't miss it.

The result he anticipates? The banks will collapse.

Now, I know football players are not the brightest of bulbs, but my initial response to this is pretty much a string of multilingual expletives, and 「かクソのばか!」

Quote (from BBC News): Take your money out of the banks and spark their collapse, says Eric Cantona, in advice to the students and public sector workers holding protests in France and the UK.
And "It's not complicated. Instead of going on the streets and driving kilometres by car you simply go to the bank in your country and withdraw your money, and if there are a lot of people withdrawing their money the system collapses. No weapons, no blood, or anything like that."


I think Mr. Cantona has his head rammed so firmly up his own asshole that he can't see the blindingly obvious.
Now, I understand part of the sentiment. The banks epitomise greed, and really they whole lot should have collapsed and burned back in 2008. We were stuck, however, with an uncomfortable dilemma. Do we bail out the sharks practically committing murder, or do we bring an end to the world as we know it? Not so much of a dilemma when phrased that bluntly, is it?

This is what I fail to understand about the massive logic gap in Mr. Cantona's reasoning. He seriously wants to bring about the collapse of the banks? What the hell for? He's pissed at the Crédit Agricole? Is that it? He wants to watch Sarko take a dump in his pants? Is that it? He wants to be a proud Frenchman as he instructs the country to destroy itself? Is that it?

For there are three potential outcomes:

  • ONE - nothing happens
    Never underestimate the power of apathy.
  • ONE (and a half) - nothing happens
    I feel I should point out that most plastic here has a daily or weekly (sometimes sliding-window) allowance, and that most banks out of the cities have a limit to the amount of cash that can be withdrawn without providing notice. If everybody gives notice, the banks may well be able to work around this. If everybody just rolls up expecting their cash... well... good luck.
  • TWO - minor stupidity
    Some idiots take their life guidance from an ex football player, take out their money, and for a while cash machines in various places run out. These people should thus be classed as epically stupid and blacklisted from having bank accounts. If they want to look after their own money... let them.
  • THREE - it's curtains
    There's a frenzy of people clamouring to take out their money. Some politician comes on telly saying "calm down, there's enough money to go around" which roughly translates as "oh cock". People stampede in order to safeguard their cash. Stocks fall through the floor. The banks are going down. It'll turn ugly in a hell of a hurry as when the cash runs dry, what's to stop those without simply beating the cash out of those with it?
    But it can get very much worse. This is the point that any sane government would step in to apply protection measures, but one bank going down the toilet is one thing. An onslaught against all of them? This will neuter the stock markets, and could well crash the Euro. Like the panic over petrol last month becoming a self-fufilling prophecy, this could - if enough dumbasses listen to the suggestions of a footballer - snowball into a situation where it is no longer a matter of annoying the government, but fighting for survival.
I don't like to think of myself as the sort of person willing to murder my neighbour over something as trivial as a can of soup, but what am I supposed to do when I want to go to the shops and my plastic doesn't work as there is no bank? My savings? Destroyed. My pay? Never again. My job? Probably over, the company probably won't survive, like many of its employees. The cash in my pocket? Not worth the paper it is printed on. That is, of course, assuming there is a shop and that it has products and hasn't been robbed. No weapons, no blood? Friggin' idiot.

Society is a very delicate thing. It should not be kicked.


So... thinking ahead. Here's the plan. I'll hit my neighbour across the head with something. If she dies, that's how it is to be. But I would prefer to just knock her out for a while. And, knowing my luck, I'll still go hungry as I discover she's the last great éscargot eater in France. YUCK.
Then I will take my katana and break into the house of our friends. They're in Liverpool for the winter. The bloke has a turny-disc grinder thing. I ought to sharpen my blade nicely.
Then Mr. Cantona.... I'm coming for you. Good old fashioned Charles Bronson style vengeance. You tear my world down around me, I'll come tear down yours. Because when there's nothing left to lose, there's nothing left to fear except fear itself.

You might think writing what could be construed as a threat is a rather stupid thing to do. Well, it's carrying a huge conditional (and if said conditional comes to pass, frankly, I will probably be in a long queue of people wishing to do much the same thing). And anyway, it isn't a patch on the utter utter UTTER-BLOODY-UTTER stupidity of somebody thinking that bringing down the banks is a useful form of protest.
The banking system sucks. The banks suck. Our society and the stupid dickless leaders we were dumb enough to elect... all suck. But the alternative is too grim to bear.



This is either a portent to the end of the world, or an amusing way to end what would otherwise be a bleak article.
Zombie girls in Nantes. (c) 2010 Nathalie Bourreau/Presse-Ocean.
Photo by Nathalie Bourreau, published on the Presse-Océan website.

Cute, isn't she? Got nice hair for a dead girl. Some mighty strange stuff goes down in big towns, and Nantes is no exception. If you thought Ozzy Osbourne doing a gig in Clisson was heavy, then the zombie parade in Nantes just blows it away.
I wonder if the cops noticed anything different to the usual nighttime student rabble? ☺

Though, between you and me, I think somebody better eat that girl with the glasses - she looks a little too living to be dead.

More zombie hijinks on the Press-Océan website.


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Rob, 24th November 2010, 09:51
Quite. I can't withdraw enough without giving notice, and in any case, as everybody knows it's a protest, the banks might lay in some extra actual cash, but it will otherwise have no effect. 
Anon, 25th November 2010, 00:16
Oh yeah you might think your some hot shit cus you know Jap. You think everyone can read that? Clue you need one.
Rick, 25th November 2010, 03:30
Hey, Anon. Why not man up and put your name to what you write? 
No, I don't think that. Those who pay attention to me (uh, all none of you, that is...) will know that I can now write my name correctly (!) in katakana. ☺ So, if I "know Jap" by being able to speak a few phrases, then cool. But I kinda think there's a fair bit more to it than that. 
Until then, if you had half a brain, you'd do what I do... cheat!|en|

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